Miley Cyrus’ (of Hannah Montana fame) kid sister and her parents allegedly signalled clear clothing line intent at a Halloween party last year when Noah appeared decked out in a black lace-up mini dress with matching PVC knee-high boots. Some heavy make-up and bright red lipstick complemented the outfit, leading to some commentators to coin the word ‘prostitot’ to describe her look. Remember, the kid is nine-years-old.

Far from being lauded as an entrepreneurial prodigy, Noah and her parents have become the latest lightning rods for those who blame marketing for the premature sexualisation of children, particularly young girls.

It would be all too easy to dismiss these pre-pubescent beauty queens as some sort of irrelevant Americana freak shows but that would belittle the considerable influence celebrities (manufactured or otherwise) have in marketing products. Time magazine last year named big sis Miley Cyrus among its 100 most influential people on the planet.

Targeting the tween influencers
Tweens have traditionally been classified as pre-teens from eight years up. These young ones have left Dora the Explorer behind and are starting to identify more with, gulp, Lindsay Lohan. No longer small children, tweens are starting to develop their own sense of identity and there is a lot of money to be made by tapping into their search for identity.

Children – particularly young girls – as young as six now seem to be fair game for marketing techniques focused on beauty, sexuality, relationships, and consumerism. Unlike many of their parents, tweens have never had to learn about computers and the Internet has always been here. Social networking is a natural part of their lives and a popular way for advertisers to reach them.

When it comes to viral marketing, some of the techniques employed by marketing experts to target tweens are nothing short of insidious. A Los Angeles firm GIA – short for Girls Intelligence Agency (www.girlgames.com) has registered up to 50,000 eight-year-old “secret agents” to influence their friends to buy certain products, such as mobile phones, clothes and beauty products. The girls who receive the products from GIA client companies are chosen for their persuasive personalities – alpha females or tween queens – whom their friends will want to be like.

“Her peers trust her opinion … We have to approve them. You know, important strategic business decisions are being made off of this eight-year-old and her friends, so we have to make sure she’s the right one,” said GIA CEO Laura Groppe, who estimates the global tween market is worth $335 billion.

The whole idea, Groppe says, is “seeding the market with these girls and their close crew of friends, and getting that information (about their preferences) back to the client and, at the same time, these girls are feeling it’s a privilege … to share this among their peers.”

This is a long way from a product endorsement by girl next door Hannah Montana, replete with baggy jeans and checked shirts.

Parent power vs. pester power
Marketing to tweens is a minefield and some executives seem hell-bent on self-destruction by ignoring the salient point that parent power will always triumph over pester power.

Wholesome Hannah is one thing, slutty Noah quite another. Regardless of who tweens want to emulate, parents of this age group will still have the final say when it comes to purchase. It is highly unlikely that little would-be Noahs’ will be strutting their stuff across Ireland. Even if they could afford the gear, tweens, unlike their elder teen siblings, cannot change in the car on the way to the party.

Parental concern for their children’s welfare will win every time. Marketing to tweens means keeping parents onside. Even Miley Cyrus is having trouble developing her post-Hannah career.

Look at the hordes of mostly early teen and tween girls who dragged their mothers to the sold-out Miley Cyrus concerts at the 02 last year.  Miley traded on her Hannah Montana persona to sell tickets but served up a raunchy set that had jaws dropping and media phone lines hopping as irate mothers vented their anger at the inappropriate nature of the performance.

As Hannah Montana, Miley Cyrus may have made the Time magazine list but it is the nature of Disney’s Hannah Montana character that is influential, not Miley herself.

Marketers should remember that tweens don’t hold the purse-strings. If they want to tap a lucrative tween audience, they will have to keep responsible adults happy too.

Margaret E. Ward is a journalist and managing director of Clear Ink, the clear English specialists. Her daughter is a tween.
www.clearink.ie

Writing and speaking are tools for communicating a message. That’s it. Yet so many things – jargon, legalese, academic-speak, overly formal or informal language, too many words, poor grammar and punctuation – get in the way of good communication.

Clear Ink helps financial services, legal, media, health and technology firms, multinationals, government bodies and semi-states sell their products and services to customers using clear English. Our services include:

• Marketing writing  — brochures, letters, reports, newsletters, websites and more
• Editorial content — articles, blogs and clear English guides on any subject
• Editing and  proofreading — all documents: we make your hard work shine
• Writing skills training courses — Business writing in clear English, Think like a journalist  (advanced), Social media marketing on a shoestring (Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, GoogleAds and blogs) and more.

To get you started on your clear English journey, here are our top writing tips:

PLAN (figure out who you are, who you’re talking to, what you want to say)
1. Think of the audience. Before you write, put yourself in your customers’ shoes. Who are they? What are they interested in? What do they want/ need from you? If you don’t write for the reader by giving them something they need then you’ve lost them… and all your hard work has been wasted.

2. Specify your purpose. Why are you writing? Be as specific as possible. A detailed objective will help you choose your marketing strategy and writing style.

3. Choose a tone of voice. Formal, academic-style business writing is old-fashioned. Think about how you talk to your customers in person. Replicate this conversational style in your writing. It’s a balancing act but try to keep it professional yet friendly.

WRITE (deliver the message)
4. Treat customers with respect. There’s nothing worse than getting a letter or brochure that’s confusing, talks down to you or scolds you. Always use language that is appropriate to both the reader and the subject matter.

5. Get rid of jargon. Although the words and phrases of your profession and firm are familiar to you, it’s unlikely that most readers know your industry’s jargon. Language should not be a secret society handshake or a code to decipher. Writing is about communicating a message, not trying to impress readers with big words.

6. Look for the story. As humans, we relate to stories. That’s how we all learn and absorb information. Marketing writing is storytelling. Take the reader from the beginning to the end. Don’t jump all over the place. Imagine them asking you “So, tell me about yourself. What do you do? What can your company do for me?”

7. Have a sense of humour. Don’t you like to laugh? Well, so do your readers. Serious is boring. Zzzzzzzz. Sometimes a little unexpected, but appropriate, humour leaves a great impression. It shows you are a confident and relaxed professional – with the human touch.

EDIT (be the reader)
8. Cut, cut, cut. Most of us tend to overwrite. We use 20 words when five will do. Only use what you need to relay your message. If you’re having trouble removing information just put yourself in the reader’s shoes – what do they absolutely need to know?

9. Review your audience and purpose. When you edit, you are looking through a reader’s eyes. Does your document answer the reader’s universal question “What’s in it for me?” How do the words make them feel about you and your business? Will they feel called to action by your words – will they pick up the phone, email or buy your product?

10. Think visually. Marketing documents are not just words on a page. They should be a roadmap of easily accessible information. Do you have strong subheadings, topic sentences and “signposts” for the reader? Is it as visually appealing as it could be? There’s nothing worse than block after block of text to put readers off. Add engaging photographs, tables, charts, graphs where possible. Beautifully written and structured documents are a gift to your potential customers and existing clients so make them sparkle.

Need a hand pulling your marketing plan together? Call Mags on 087 2070495 or email Margaret@clearink.ie (By the way, this is our call to action so please DO it now.)

 “Mouse, I can’t take it anymore,” she said in a ragged whisper. “Please kill me. PLEASE.”

 “You’re crazy. What are you talking about mum? It must be the morphine making you talk like that,” she said.

 It was a terrible situation for anyone to be in. A nightmare of the worst imagining. That teenage girl was me.

Versions of this story are more common than you might think. The only variables are age, illness and relationship. Many of our friends and neighbours are caring for terminally ill – pain ridden –  husbands, wives, parents and children with little support from the state or others. For some, the agony is too much to bear.

Choosing to die
In July 2009, the British conductor Sir Edward Downes and his wife Joan ended their lives at a Swiss assisted suicide clinic in July. Lady Downes, 74, had terminal cancer and the 85-year-old conductor was nearly blind and increasingly deaf. He had been forced to give up conducting and relied heavily on his wife’s assistance but he was not in any pain.

Announcing their death, the family released a statement that read, “After 54 happy years together, they decided to end their own lives rather than continue to struggle with serious health problems. They died peacefully, and under circumstances of their own choosing, with the help of the Swiss organisation, Dignitas, in Zurich.”

Although the case conjures images of Romeo and Juliet it raises many issues not just because it was assisted suicide – which is illegal and many feel is morally wrong – but because Sir Downes was not terminally ill. Did both of them have the right to choose death? Should it only have been an option for her because of her terminal illness?

 Suicide support groups say people generally think about ending their life because they see no way out. It is important to show those who feel suicidal that they have choices. Surely, Sir Downes had the option of a live-in carer or others way to get through his remaining years without his wife?

 These difficult questions need public debate. If, for example, you legally take away a person’s right to die then, as a society, shouldn’t you take responsibility for the dignity of their natural death?

Dignity in dying
How do we wish to die? In 2004, the first Irish survey on death and dying found that 67 per cent of those interviewed wanted to die at home, pain-free, conscious and surrounded by their loved ones. Of the 30,000 people who pass away in Ireland annually only one-third get their wish. The rest – 20,000 – die in hospitals.

Would you like to pass away alone on a trolley in A&E while a drunk vomits nearby? This is an extreme example but many dying people occupy hospital beds on busy wards and do not receive the care and respect they deserve in their final moments.

Do we have a right to choose dignity in our dying? The hospice movement, and society, seem to believe that we do but our government’s policies do little to respect that notion. 

 Hospice care, a health service focusing on dignity in dying, is generally only available to those who have cancer and it is largely funded by voluntary contributions, not government funding. Why?

 End of life care
According to an article in the Irish Times “the average Irish person’s lifetime expenditure on health services is about €300,000 and almost 25 per cent of that sum, €70,000, is spent in the last year of life. More than 40 per cent of that is spent in the final month. Spending on patients in that last year is estimated at 10-15 per cent of a country’s total health budget. In Ireland this would amount to €1.6-€2.4 billion of the total health budget of €16 billion. And yet the current budget for hospice care is only €75 million, less than 5 per cent of the entire budget.”

End of life care (palliative care) depends on your diagnosis and where you live, according to Eugene Murray, chief executive of the Irish Hospice Foundation. The group is working to change this situation by offering palliative care to patients with conditions other than cancer and to expand their network but, of course, this will take time and funding.

Back to reality
The reality is that there are thousands of people in Ireland who do not experience a dignified death because the resources, and will, are not there to provide it. Thousands more families are struggling to care for and support dying relatives and friends. They lack proper supports from government, the community and society. Under that kind of mental, physical and emotional strain it’s likely that – in their rare quiet moments – they ask themselves if anyone cares about their loved one’s dignity in dying and what lies ahead for them at the end of their days?

Useful links
Living with dying and dignity, Irish Times
http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/weekend/2008/1213/1229035646035.html

Dying for guidance, the Guardian
http://www.cardi.ie/node/2390

Suicide prevention groups
Samaritans jo@samaritans.org, www.samaritans.org, 1850 609090 (Republic of Ireland) or 08457 909090 (UK including Northern Ireland)

Aware Defeat Depression, www.aware.ie, info@aware.ie, 01 6617211
1890 303 302

Your local doctor, listed under ‘General Practitioners’ in the Golden Pages or visit www.icgp.ie. Go to, or contact, the Accident and Emergency Department of your nearest general hospital.

International care perspectives
UK green paper on funding care for older people, Guardian article
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2009/jul/14/green-paper-care-system-elderly

Holland’s care budget offered to older people instead of a place in a care home. Nearly 100,000 people have taken this option. Daily Mail report: http://www.seniorsworldchronicle.com/2009/07/uk-care-for-elderly-should-allow-us-all.html

 Today, family-sized and snack-size packaging and health benefit claims are the cornerstones of international food marketing. Harmless, right? Well, maybe not.  A growing body of international research says that food marketing to kids may actually contribute to obesity and illness.

Expanding waistlines
It used to be fun to laugh at the tubby Americans and their kids who visited these shore on their vacations but now our waistlines – and packaging sizes – are catching up with theirs.

Why? In the last 30 years we’ve morphed from a nation raised on the limited food we (or our neighbours) grew ourselves  – vegetables, milk, eggs, meats – to convenience food reliant, supermarket-loving consumers.

Sugary treats are now a birthright for many children and their size is growing. Recently, new “family-sized” bigger packs of M&Ms, Revels and Malteasers were launched here.

It’s no surprise that one out of every five Irish kids is overweight or obese. If those 20% of kids maintain their current eating and low activity patterns they’re possibly heading for a fat adulthood, a good chance at type two diabetes and lifelong behavioural problems.

Big business
Food marketing to children and youth is big business. International spending estimates range from $1.2 to $2 billion a year. In 2007, Kellogg’s spent a staggering $32.8 million on marketing Cheezits, a mini cheese cracker, according to the author of Food Politics, Professor of Nutrition and Food Policy at New York University, Marion Nestle.

In Ireland, around €130 million is spent on food and drink advertising. The vast majority of these products – 88 percent – are high in fat, sugar, salt, or all of the above. Obviously, food producers are not spending their cash on marketing fruit and vegetables but that may be changing as more ethical marketing practices are being forced upon them.

Health claims
Consumers are confused by nutritional labelling but strongly influenced by health claims. In 2004, sales of probiotic yoghurts and drinks alone were worth about €46 million in the Republic. Figures have risen steadily since then.

The European Food Safety Authority (EFSA) has doubts about some foods claims and is now clamping down on unproven health benefit claims by marketers. The body is targeting nutritionals, or “better for you products” whose supposed benefits are determined by the company itself and not independent researchers. For example, Sugar Puffs are promoted as a source of fibre, vitamins and iron but contain 35% sugar.

The EFSA recently studied almost 50 of the most common nutritionals – from cranberry juice and black tea to fish oil supplements and probiotic drinks – and rejected most of the claimed health benefits. For example, fish oil supplements were not found to improve brain growth and probiotic yogurt drinks did not help gut health.

Parents want to do right by their kids and many look for health claims on packaging – rather than the nutritional labels – before placing it in the trolley.  Even the most health conscious parent may be disappointed to find what’s really in their child’s lunchbox. SafeFood Ireland research found that smoothies are worth only one fruit a day, not the two claimed by the company.  Cheese Strings, clearly marketed at kids, have 24g of fat per 100g and far more salt than recommended for children. Bord Bia’s nutrition literature does not recommend the sweetened fruit drinks popular with kids but milk or water.

Ethical marketing
Do we have a responsibility to children when we market to them? Currently, food marketing to children relies on three basic rules – get them young, rely on pester power and differentiate kids’ food from adult food says Professor Marion Nestle. 

The Institute of Medicine (IOM), in the US, says children are targeted too young and they believe its “worth considering restrictions or bans on the use of cartoon characters, celebrity endorsements, health claims on food packages, stealth marketing, and marketing in schools, along with federal actions that promote media literacy, better school meals, and consumption of fruits and vegetables.”

 That message seems unlikely to filter through here any time soon. Over one-fifth of the population in Ireland is under 14 and their buying power is significant.  According to Shelflife, the retail industry website: “A 2008 report by Mintel states that the increasing influence these children and teenagers have over home mealtimes makes them a demographic worth pursuing. At the same time, due to the alarming increase in obesity among young people in recent years, pressures from the government and other groups has made many food and snack manufacturers wary of how they market their products. In spite of this, new products aimed at teens and kids abound in the snack and food aisles, and all evidence shows that this will continue to be the case.”

 Margaret E. Ward is a journalist and managing director, Clear Ink.

Originally published in The Sunday Business Post, Ireland
Sunday, September 16, 2001

Freckle-faced, red haired Shannon Koch sat in her ambulance outside the centre waiting for the call that never came. Her Princeton, New Jersey, first aid and rescue squad truck was one of about 40 emergency vehicles which had come from as far as Boston, Philadelphia and the far end of Long Island. Each was marked with white tape as “BLS” or “ALS.”

Koch and her team, who had been there since the previous day, explained that dispatchers used the letters to determine which teams could perform basic life support or advanced life support functions. Following a medical assessment, any victims brought here would be tagged: black tags marking those who were beyond saving, red for critical and yellow and green for the walking wounded. The system was ready-to-go but was being closed down due to inactivity.

“Thousands and thousands are already dead,” said Koch. She thought Ellis Island was being used as a morgue, with barges transporting the bodies across the water.

At the firemen’s assembly area around the corner, a member of the New Haven, Connecticut, fire department said: “There is nothing for us to do.”

One woman handed out pamphlets to the hundreds of walking, cycling, roller-blading New Yorkers who had migrated lemming-like to the apocalyptic site. It said: “Unite tonight 7pm. Come outside. Wherever you are tonight at 7pm, stop and step outside or pick a place to gather with others for a citywide moment of silent prayer and hope.”

The people milling about were largely silent, few exhibiting New Yorkers’ naturally loud, gregarious ways. There were no opinions, judgments or demands. Animation returned only when cheers and applause erupted as fire trucks, police cars and ambulances approached. “You saved us. You are our heroes.”

Along the police demarcation line at 14th Street, people did their best to get closer to the scene. Down here, the air was acrid and caught in the back of the throat and nostrils. No mask, water or sweets could soothe the discomfort or wash away the charred smell.

Some individuals wearing masks and stethoscopes produced medical identification cards but Brooklyn detective Paul Carpentieri, covered in dust, told them to turn back, their help was not needed now.

Carpentieri was one of the first on the scene the previous morning. He told of seeing blood staining the sidewalks and body parts, decapitations too awful to describe. When the towers collapsed soon after, the recognisably human elements were covered with dust, thick as a blanket of snow, comprising the ashes of hundreds if not thousands of New Yorkers. He was breathing them in.

At the hospital closest to the scene, St Vincent’s, relatives gathered with photographs of their loved ones. They milled between hospital officials and a cordoned-off press area.

“Have you seen my husband … daughter … colleague? I last saw them on their way to the stairs … at breakfast … on the train … at home. They were wearing …”

The same conversations were taking place over New York’s phone lines as the closely-knit financial community rallied around neighbours, school friends and golf partners. As suburban churches’ missing lists grew, tragic stories began to circulate, particularly about the guys from Cantor Fitzgerald.

“They called their wives and fathers from the roof, they couldn’t get down. It was one man’s first wedding anniversary that day.”

 Uptown, the New York Blood Centre was on high alert as the community tried to help its own. Linda Levi, director of communications at NYBC, said some people waited for up to eight hours.

“There were no complaints and that’s unusual for New Yorkers.

“People were shocked and exhibited great spirit and generosity. They felt it was something tangible they could do.”

In two days, more than 10,000 pints of blood were collected, triple the normal supply. An additional 3,000 pints arrived from other areas of the United States.

Shop windows were adorned with the Stars and Stripes, while cafe chalkboards said “Give blood, save a neighbor” or “God bless America” above the list of daily specials.

On the upper east side, a shop assistant in a small candle shop refuses to play CDs over the sound system. “Silence is the greatest respect we can offer them,” she said.

Margaret E Ward is a New Yorker

It’s a multi-billion euro business with properties and offices throughout the world. The company’s services are used by a huge percentage of the global population and many proudly display – and even promote – its logo. This secretive, privately held organisation has been in business for eons. It has a strong brand and a much-loved image.

Yes, the Catholic Church is perhaps the world’s biggest business. It has a corporate logo, brand values, a service offering, customer promises and a skilled workforce.

The Logo. The crucifix is one of the planet’s most instantly recognisable symbols. The brand doesn’t need product placement opportunities since its logo continues to adorn the neck – and bodies – of some of the world’s biggest celebrities. Mel Gibson, Madonna, David Beckham and many others are closely associated with the logo.

The Brand. The Catholic brand is known for goodness, purity and the highest moral and ethical standards. Jesus Christ founded the company with his entrepreneurial colleagues a couple thousand years ago. Their brand messages and marketing materials – the Bible  – have stood the test of time and gained them many loyal followers.

The Promise. Strict terms and conditions apply to the Church’s spiritual services. Catholics who live a good life by adhering to the rules of the religion – don’t kill, lie, steal, commit adultery or want other people’s stuff but do obey your parents, honour God and make your sacraments – are promised an express trip to heaven when they die. There will be no stopover in Purgatory or extended layover in Hell for loyal customers.

On arrival, clients will be greeted at the Pearly Gates by their guide, St. Peter, and granted entrance to a place of eternal happiness. Newcomers will be serenaded by angels of the heavenly choir and surrounded by all that is good and right. They will meet the people who have died before them and, most importantly, they will have an audience with the Almighty.

The Offering. Before customers can enter heaven they must study and pledge loyalty to the religion through the sacraments. In return, they become part of an international community that strives to do unto others as they would do unto you. The club is highly regarded for its work among the poor and for providing education in many needy nations. Members pay to assist with these good works and to help with spiritual and material needs within their own local communities.

The Reality. Like many large companies that have fallen into disrepute, the brand’s promises are very different from the customers’ experience. As we learned from the Ryan report, also known as the Report of the Commission to Inquire into Child Abuse, the business has been badly broken for a long time. The brand has betrayed its customers and shareholders.

The Catholic Church has been a market leader, and even an innovator, when it comes to the wide-scale abuse of children for business purposes.Our church developed and perfected many modern business and political techniques.

Children’s sweatshops. Children were captive workers who paid for the orders’ holiday homes and lavish meals with blood, sweat and tears plus a good lashing of rape, degradation and dehumanisation.

Creative accounting. Funds given by the government to feed, clothe and house orphans and industrial school detainees were not entirely used for this purpose, a percentage was funnelled into many of the religious orders’ more mainstream schools.

Innovative imprisonment. Children were held against their will on questionable charges such as “wandering”. Thankfully they were not asked to wear orange jumpsuits, just rags.

Generational mind control. Many of our industrial schools, orphanages and mother and baby homes were run under brutal totalitarian regimes. Romania’s orphanages, created by the notorious Nicolae Ceausescu, bear a striking resemblance to the Irish system. Pierre Poupard, the head of Unicef in Romania, told the BBC that the orphans were a “lost generation” – closeted away from society, often malnourished and subjected to physical and even sexual abuse.

Would Jesus Christ be happy to wear the church’s logo now?

The shareholders of this failed corporation – its parishioners – should call an annual general meeting and demand that the executives explain themselves and atone for their actions in words, deeds and cash.

Margaret E. Ward is a journalist and managing director Clear Ink.

No more dirty laundry party
Keep your hands outta my pockets party
The party’s over party
Accountability and efficiency party
No more jobs for the boys party
Eat my dole cheque party
We shall overcome the wankers party? No more wasters party Time to get a clue party Let them eat cake party/ We’re eating the cake party/ Cake crumbs party Reality bites party Cut the crap party Time to go party Repossession party Joined up thinking party Scarecrow party: if they only had a brain. Buy Cowen some Cohones party

Your suggestions so far by post, email, twitter and phone calls…
It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to party
It’s my party party
We the innocent party
Hey everyone let’s have a party party
Soldiers of mess-tiny party
The search & rescue party
Be Brave Brian party
Clarity party

Best new political party name wins a job as party leader! Will post results on the blog.

Year 2010: Tumbleweed blows through the empty streets of the International Financial Services Centre. The once proud little place in the wild west of Europe is almost abandoned. A few nervous survivors squint through cracked glass at the young, fair-haired woman outside. She is wearing sandals and walking carefully through the bank statements and construction dust swirling around her.

“Hello. Is anyone there?” the tanned blonde shouts at the large buildings. A shrouded, emaciated figure scurries down the steps, grabs her hand and pulls her roughly inside.

“Shhh. You don’t want them to hear you,” says the old woman.

The girl is visibly shaken. “What happened here? Who are you? Who are they?”

“I am Cathleen and this is a damned place. You shouldn’t be here. Go now – while you can.”

“Wait. I’m so confused. My name is Sorcha. I used to work here, but I left for Australia in late 2008. That was only two years ago!”

Cathleen: “Much has changed. A great gang of bandits swept through the land. We were all robbed blind – in broad daylight – and the populace is very frightened and incredibly broke.”

Sorcha: “What about the sheriff and the governor? Why aren’t they doing anything about the outlaws?”

Cathleen: “The sheriff disappeared when things got tough and the governor …”

The old woman bares her teeth in a growl.

Sorcha: “Omigosh. Why did you make that horrible face?”

Cathleen: “He’s locked away in a big building in the city centre. They say he’s very unpredictable. One minute he’s singing Frank Sinatra’s My Way and the next he’s mumbling ‘what’ll we do, what’ll we do?’ in a small, trembling voice.

Sorcha: “There must be more of you than there are of them. Why don’t you all get together and do something about it?”

Cathleen: “Well, laws don’t apply to the white collar gang or the brown envelope brigade like they do for us citizens. Anytime we try to have a voice – on equality, democracy, consumer rights and government accountability – we are silenced. Besides, there’s no fight in us now. Personally, I have nothing left.” She stretches her arms wistfully around the room.

Sorcha: “Don’t tell me you live here? It’s an old bank branch, not an apartment!”

Cathleen: “The wealth was taken from me. My four beautiful overseas properties had to be put up for auction. My pension is gone.”

Sorcha: “Someone must be able to help. Where is everyone?”

She moves towards the door.

Cathleen: “Be careful; there is a hard wind outside.”

She looks into the distance, catching a memory. “The people needed a leader, but no one came.”

Sorcha: “There is always hope. America maybe?”

Cathleen: “No. They have problems of their own. Perhaps? Hmm. There was a legend told in 2009 about a mysterious stranger who would ride in from the Border to save the day.”

Sorcha: “Tell me more. Can I phone or e-mail this person?”

Cathleen: “Impossible. You’ll never get through. In desperation, we tried his favourite form of communication last week – a full-page newspaper ad. Here. We’re still waiting for a sign.”

Sorcha opens the folded page and reads it out loud “Wanted: Maverick gunslinger to eradicate citizens’ enemies.”

Cathleen: “They say he’s a businessman, a frontiersman and a cattle rancher. He wears the striped shirts and heeled boots that are the marks of his clan. Most Dublin people won’t even cross over into that cowboy’s county – Westmeath – for fear of getting the chop.”

Sorcha: “He sounds frightening.”

Cathleen: “Maybe so, but the myth says he’s also very efficient at eradicating waste and wasters. He makes quick, tough financial decisions and carries them through.”

Sorcha: “You make him sound like Superman. No one can fix everything overnight.

“Shouldn’t you all be taking responsibility for what the Government is doing, or not doing, with your money? You still pay taxes. It is your money after all.”

Cathleen: “We know nothing. We see nothing. We point fingers. We do nothing. We will be remembered for nothing. We are waiting . . . for something.”

Sorcha: “I’ll go then. May I have your shroud? It is cold out. I’ll go back to Oz while you wait for a gunslinger, any gunslinger, to answer the call.”

Sorcha walks out into the grey evening, her stooped shoulders giving her the walk of a defeated old woman.

Margaret E Ward is a journalist and managing director of Clear Ink